How to Apologize.

How I know I am PMS-ing is when I snap at the husband from out of the blue, for the flimsiest of reasons.  I would be totally fine the day before, or even moments before, and I suddenly turn into this monster who magnifies everything — words, gestures, a sigh, silence.  Feeling aggrieved, I would lash out, my words descending like an unexpected slap across the face.

It is not good, not good at all.  

My apology would come later in the day, and in spurts:  asking him if he's mad at me while he is preparing to vacuum, cooking him his favorite pina-uga chicken adobo, cleaning all the bathrooms, and doing the laundry.  Not very articulate, hence not quite well received.  So we spent the entire day in silence and said tepid goodbyes as he set off to work last night.  

So today, I made sure to say it:  "I'm sorry.  I apologize."  And just like that, we were beaming like little kids again, sharing a walk in this beautiful spring-like weather (in February!  How lucky can we get?) and talking about the sorry state of politics in the Philippines (at this, we stopped beaming and started tsk-tsk-ing and shaking our heads).

The Secret.

People all over the world are talking about The Secret.

Or so Oprah says.  

The Secret is a book and DVD by Rhonda Byrne… and the secret is simple.  It is even no secret at all;  it is something we've all known at one point or another in our lives:  the Law of Attraction.  What you give out to the world is what you get back.  It is about the power of thought and visualization.  It is about focusing on what you want, and not on what you don't want.  It is about believing that you can have the best life that you can ever want or imagine.  

I do not understand all of it yet.  I was thinking of buying the book and DVD, but being the impatient person that I am, I looked it up in YouTube and true enough, a good soul has already posted it there.  I am still about to view Part 3, and already I feel like something in me is shifting.  If not for anything else, if the skeptic in me finds it hard to believe that I can channel my thoughts into becoming a millionaire, having a vacation home by the ocean, driving a Murcielago, and owning a publishing house and actually have it happen, at least I will come away from watching this knowing that I have the power to control my feelings, my life on a  day-to-day basis.  That I can decide each and every day upon waking up to be happy, that I can say "It is a good day" and it will be.  That everyday, I can find something to be grateful about.  That already, I am living the life I want because I am happy. 

In the final analysis, what we all want really is to be happy.   I remember Meryl Streep's character in One True Thing where she told her daughter, "It is so much easier to choose to be happy."  

So I have made my decision.  Everyday, I will choose to be happy and grateful, no matter what my circumstance is.  (But having the millions, the house with the ocean view, the car, and the business of churning out books is not bad either, hehe.) 

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The videos were taken down by YouTube due to violation of use.  I guess I will have to buy my own copy then.