the whole process has been one big adventure — from the time we made an offer to the time we finally settled the closing costs and subsequently got our keys.  three months.  three months i suffered sleepless nights and stressful days.  will our loan get approved?  will we have enough money to cover the closing costs?  who will help us move?  will we be able to buy furniture and appliances?  can we afford the mortgage payments?

all this time, the hub has been surprisingly calm.  he who does not buy anything — a pair of shoes on sale, or a much-coveted sound system — without first sleeping on it.  he who does not take risks.  he who would not be convinced to make an offer on the house until sufficiently nagged…  yes, he was the calmer one. 

and as it turned out, all that stress and worrying had been all for nothing.  there were no glitches of any kind, no snags along the way.  everything went smoothly. 

however, i would like to believe that all my worrying ensured such silky smoothness.   because i thought of all the worst possible scenarios, they didn't happen.  kind of like how when you dream bad dreams you need to tell somebody about them so the opposite happens. 

yeah, kind of like that.

of course, the hub would beg to differ.

but a bigger part of me wants to maintain the status quo.  i am, after all, a housewife with only the hub to be responsible for  (and already, i have a big baby in my care, LOL).  my time is my own.  as long as i keep him fed and clothed and the house sufficiently clean, i have more than enough time to take care of me. 

i love taking care of me. 

tell me, at 33, am i still allowed to be selfish and just a little bit scared?